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aoi sora (June 25, 2005)

Posted on 2005.07.05 at 08:32
Tags: , ,
So I just finished watching Fullmetal Alchemist. I won't reveal too much of the plot just so I don't spoil someone else's journey through the story. It is one of my favorite animes now. It is very deep and although very dark, there is also laughter and light. And hope. I knew from the start that I identified far too much with the characters in the story. I know what it's like to watch your little brother suffer a terrible fate and be unable to fix it. I know what it's like to try to pick up the pieces--both with him and without--of a life that is destroyed; of dreams that can never be. I know what it's like to just have to move forward because standing still hurts and you can't go back. I know what it's like to be trapped on the other side of a door, unable to reach the other...but to still hold that hope deep inside that someday you will find a way back. Funny how I identify with stories like this...stories that seem so fantastic and magical but yet so real. Perhaps there is a little magic in this world, in this reality. Perhaps what makes it real is our belief, or our need, to hope for something more. Life isn't fair, but there seems to be a lesson in everything--even if it's not for ourselves. When you watch someone suffer for four years at the expense of others ignoring the lesson presented to them, you realize the trade is not equal. You create your own personal hell trying to figure out why and in the end you can't fix it. And even when you move on, you realize no matter what, you still can't go back...there is always some price. Things are complex beyond comprehension and yet it is as if the complexity gives life a purity that is so simple we cannot grasp it. Perhaps some things you can't return, but you also learn that there are some things more important...some things that you would give your life just for the hope that it would make things okay for someone else...

The memories that connect us to each other are very deep and strong. Perhaps more than anything else these are the things that hold us together, regardless of who we are. Maybe the pain we feel is the price we pay to feel the joy. Then again, perhaps the price is somewhere within ourselves...something we unconsciously decide upon to absolve ourselves of guilt. Life is such a fragile thing that people toss around like pieces on a chess board...but regardless of what you believe, you only have this life now. Many seem to loose sight so easily until it happens to someone close to them. Our mortality...is it our price for the time we spend in this world before we return across the viels of time to where we originated? If you struggle and struggle and do not obtain your goal... have you truly gained nothing? They say it is about the journey, not the destination but is that really true? Sometimes countless lives are spent to reach a goal--it's their life work. Was that solely about the journey?

Happy moments seem so fleeting in a world of pain, almost like a creul joke used to bring us hope. Hope that we hold onto because we want to believe, hope that causes the deepest despair. It seems like a vicious cycle. Perhaps if we just let go of these things we will find we don't need to hold onto to them. Some part of me wants to believe that if we act selflessly and with love we will not need to feel pain, guilt, hope or despair. We simply will experience life for what it was meant to be. It sounds like a child's wish more than a truth...but sometimes children speak the truth. What happens when you cross the borders of this world to the next? Is it just another life? Are there countless layers of ourselves all over time and space that we can access if we learn how? Can we draw upon their strength and knowledge to aid us in this life? How, then, are we who we think we are? What affect would that have on our other selves or those worlds? We would be but a mere fragment of the whole, and most unaware of the greater powers of the universe. Is there really a universal truth? Or is what makes it universal that it is within ourselves? For that matter is the truth important, for in the end we all meet the same fate, don't we? I do not believe in hell, but I believe in the possibility of a self-created one. A hell in which you cannot let go of your beliefs when faced with the truth and become trapped in that personal hell you envision.

Perhaps my greatest question at this time is what makes us alive? What is life and how does the soul fit into it? We can already create animals from simple cells, looking indentical to their hosts once grown properly. If you've seen this series that should sound more than a little scary. One day, someone greedy with either power or conciet will force the same with human genetics. Perhaps we don't have alchemy, but we have science. What then, is to save us from the same horrors in the series? Would this created being bear a soul, and if so whose? If any body can house a soul like that, couldn't souls just go from one person to another when the body was unhealthy or too old? For some reason that doesn't seem to be how it works, so creating a human body from genetics would be just that...an empty shell, but not a human being. Is the soul what tells me what is right and wrong, what I believe and discard...or are those things that I learned from the world around me? And at what cost would we learn to do this? To perfect this process? How many lives would be considered expendable? One of the main--if not the main reason--I steered away from genetics as a career is fear of someone using any work I did for their own personal gains rather than to better humanity. In science, there is little that is not controlled by someone higher up, so despite my interests I chose another path.

If these beings are created, these clones as we might term them, would they have feelings? Would they really be alive? If they are alive, they should be free to live their lives as any other human, but if they are not...is it right to bring them to this world? What if you were a being with a brain...you could learn and move and do everything just like the next person, but you lacked a soul. How would that change you? If you could feel the pain of being different, of being less than what you are supposed to be to be human? What makes someone's life so dear to us? Is it the shared memories or is it something more? If it's something more...can you experience that without a soul and if not...how would that effect these creations? What if you felt like you were being grown to be harvested, except you knew what that meant and were aware of your individuality and mortality? Wouldn't you want to survive at any cost? Isn't that a fundamental principle of any creature on this planet? If they look like normal humans, learn and think like normal humans, and feel like normal humans...but are still empty, what reason do they have to like this living hell we created for them? Perhaps the death of humanity will not be through terrible wars, the death of our star, or erradication by an alien race but through our own selfish endeavors and fascination with immortality.

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