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Stand Up and Walk (June 9, 2005)

Posted on 2005.07.05 at 08:28
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With a shaking voice and my legs ready to give out, my thoughts rest upon a new path. Suddenly I am filled with the desire to change this life, my life. I'm ready to move on into the unknown...despite my physical mind's resistance. The world is out there, and there is so much to see and do...if I spend all my time trying to decide I will find time is up and I have done nothing. Even if the path is not quite the right one, at least I am moving forward. The time to start the change has arrived, and it begins inside my heart. It's been coming for a long time, but I was resisting. The old ties I had are now gone...the memories I cherish, but the destruction brought on by what has happened the past three years has left them ghosts haunting my heart and in order for me to give them life once again, I must move on. You cannot go back, but you can change the future--even with something as simple as a smile. My life is changing, and although it is unsettling, it is also exciting. Finally I am moving after sitting in silence for so long. So many things have happened just in the past year forcing me to face my own mortality and yet, I remain almost unscathed through it...none of those dangers having proved a serious threat. To which I am very grateful, but I am more grateful for the bonds these experiences broke that were no longer helping me, having become a hinderance. As corny as it sounds, it's as if the elements within me are aligning to surge forward...to push me to be the person I have always been inside. I can no longer see the end of this path, but I no longer fear it. There are worse things than death, and no matter how bad it becomes it is only a fleeting glimpse in life and can be changed. And no matter what, no one can erase what I hold within my heart.

To change the world you have to start with yourself. Then help others in any way you can. You cannot change theirs, but you can offer them love no matter what their choices have been. I have seen just a simple smile or a kind word completely change a person's demeanor. That is what I will strive to be...someone who only radiates kindness and love, without judgement and without prejudice. Just because we are not perfect is no reason to not improve who we are. There is much I do not understand in this world and I will most likely never stop looking for answers, but life is about the journey as much as the destination. I need to look around more often. And I need to stop looking only at the destruction and what needs to be done, but to also see more of the beauty and the possibilities of what it could become. The transformation of life into something beautiful...into what it was really meant to be. The way I saw life as a child, or rather how I saw it could be. Transform yourself and all around you shall be affected by that change and so will everyone whose life you touch. Every action, every thought, every gesture it all touches lives on so many levels, and we all need to be more aware of that. I'm tired of ignoring that responsibility...it's time to grow and it's time to live. See ya on the road of life!

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