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I am the Wave, the Wave is Me

Posted on 2007.03.16 at 23:46
Current Music: tears ~ai otsuka
Tags: , , , ,
You know, it's odd how things work out sometimes. The other night I couldn't sleep so I started writing and ended with this after a small list of names:

There is no answer, no solution,
I have no power and no voice,
And at the end of the day,
It doesn't matter to some.

But even without a voice,
I cannot turn my back on
What the children have taught me,
Because my voice mattered to them.

The other day a mother called me about my nominating her son for the National Jr. Congressional Leadership Conference. She kept going on about how much it meant just to be nominated. The principal of the school even sent me an email thanking me. A grandmother came to ask me about it and was excited and was going to charge the tuition ($1700) so she could go and thanked me. I didn't get it.

When my orchestra sounded horrible and I freaked out, I felt like everything I was doing and all the work the kids had put in was lost. I felt like nothing mattered and I couldn't help or change anything for any of those kids. In some ways I was right. But I still didn't get it.

Today, another parent came up and thanked me. But she started to cry. She said she had teachers that believed in her when she was in school (in this district) and she knew you can't always pick your teachers, but she hoped her children would have teachers like that in their lives. She said it was because of them that she got where she is today. And cried again and said I would never know how much it meant to her that I saw her son for who he is and how much the nomination meant. I hugged her and said that's why I'm here.

Even then I didn't get it really. Then I started thinking tonight about how his calss was the one in tears when I missed most of it that day because I was talking to Jean and they wanted to have strings, not to get out of class but because they wanted to have strings. So I had lunch with them today to make it up to them and their faces were so excited, and even more so when I showed them I had french fries.

Then I realized the boy's mother I spoke with today had often spoken to him about another teacher and how she remembered her. I suspect my colleague was one of those teachers for his mother. I'm not sure I've totally got it, but it was like something fell into place. I realized what I had typed before was true. My voice doesn't matter in the big things, but it matters a lot in the little things and it's the little things that make all the difference and can start to change the things that really matter.

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