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School Violence

Posted on 2006.11.13 at 22:22
Current Music: Baten Kaitos Soundtrack
Tags: ,
The health program I am on with the school district is sending me stuff on stress. Hahahahaha!! The problem isn't that I don't know how to relieve stress...it's that I'm too tired to do it. Just finding a time to meditate is damned near impossible unless my guide keeps me awake. Speaking of which...I'm still very unclear as to what I am supposed to do with the spiritual side of my life. The energy around me is changing again, but this time it's almost like it's not that important. Although all weekend everytime I turned on the TV it seemed there was a show about psychics or psychic children.

I'm going to make an appointment at a neurologist's office tomorrow so I can hopefully end this marathon of doctors and bitching. It's odd how you can see life as so beautiful and so precious, and yet find yourself just existing and not really living.

I saw a documentary on Columbine yesterday. When they were showing the reinactment of the boys coming down the hall and airing some of the calls, I started crying and didn't stop for over an hour. The scene in the library, although not terribly graphic, was terribly upsetting. I was overwhelmed with not just grief but anger, hatred, and pain. It took most of yesterday and today to get it out and even then I hardly slept last night. It really fucked me up and honestly I'm still a little unsettled by it.

Maybe it has to do with the gang threat that had a high school on lockdown, or the break in and vadilism of another high school, or the fifth grader who brought a gun to school, or maybe it's the cold look and anger in some of my student's eyes... I don't feel unsafe, but there is so much pain in the world and so much we do not understand. So little most are willing to try to understand. People are so focused on placing blame rather than taking the responsiblity as a human being and respecting life. Some days I'm very certain that I'm not from this planet, not if being a human means hiding from who I am and allowing myself to be a victim of circumstance. This hurts. How many more lives, or at least the quality of them, must be lost before people open their eyes and wake up?

However, I am dizzy now so I think I shall stop my rant. ^_^

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