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I Am (January 9, 2005)

Posted on 2005.07.05 at 08:19
I believe the human spirit is innately good and pure. It does not judge or hate, it is pure love for all forms of life. However, we are not just spirits, we are spirits within a body with a brain. Unfortunately that seems to mean we can think about THINGS. Things we want, things we crave, things we desire, things to be jealous of...THINGS.

I also believe this world is changing and with any change there are many who immediately freak out and resist. They are lead by the leaders who are speaking in hateful and offensive ways. The people they are leading are sadly lost along the way and really don't use either their brain nor their spirit to guide them. They don't really want to live, they are just passing time here until they die and want the easy way of being told what to think, believe and do. As long as they can keep their THINGS.

However, many people are starting to finally wake up to the fact that that's not why we're here. Life wasn't meant to be easy. Being born is easy...staying alive is easy, but really LIVING, that is very difficult. And even more difficult is balancing your mind and spirit and allowing yourself to be who you truly are rather than who you think people will accept. That in mind...

Why is it you have to devastate yourself to tear down the walls? After watching Gravitation and finding its parallels to my life I broke down. I cried. I really cried. I cried for everything that has happened in the past 26 and a half years. And now I find myself on the edge of something new...

Isn't it funny how the soul does not hold onto the pain when it is ready? How it releases it when it is allowed to? Perhaps amidst the uncontrollable tears or the painful convulsions those deep dark feelings were released. Or perhaps it was in a dream I dare not remember. I don't know, but what is left is a sense of peace and a sense of knowing.

I see the painful images on TV, I hear the painful stories in the lives of those around me, and yet I know in the end it is alright. These things do not matter, because what is important--the spirit--is never lost. And despite how much one may try--consciously or not--to darken it, its light will always remain pure and bright. Life wasn't meant to be easy, and to compare your life to another is pointless, because in the end what matters is how you lived your life.

I see people uniting to help each other--not because of one disaster, but because we are casting off the veils we claimed was life. We are finally starting to see what is truly important...what it truly means to live. I find myself returning to who I was as a child. Returning to that innocence, that outlook on life, and that unconditional love for all life regardless of its form. A universal love that we are all born with; a love that does not faulter even when hurt. A love that shines freely from our soul.

Sometimes I feel as if I have wings...as if my feet aren't really on the ground. This is a sense of finally finding answers to questions I didn't know I had. And finding the patience to the ones that remain unanswered. There is no longer fear in who I am...I simply am.

"Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence"

~Return to Innocence, Enigma

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