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I stand on this path and realize I must go forward without you...

Posted on 2006.08.10 at 19:58
Current Music: Glaring Dream (Instrumental) ~Gravitation
One of our repairmen died Monday. He was a single parent trying to send his daughter to school as she had just graduated high school. We are setting up a fund to try to help her. It's a very sad situation.

They showed us graphs about our kids and closing the gap between various groups in achievement. Then they showed us that the average ACT score was like 17 or 18, but our graduation rates had gone up from like 35% to 67% or something. But when teachers have to teach to the test or get in trouble if no one passes, what do they expect? Raise the bar indeed. So why the hell did they lower all the percentages for grading on the grade cards? Just like our students, teachers need consistancy.

Sometimes I feel like turning my back and walking away, fully embracing the unkown. Other times I feel compelled to stay and weather the storm with the students. What is the better path; to stay and try to change things from the inside out or to leave and teach by example?

The sunset is beautiful right now. Red and purple against the skyline and through the leaves. There's even a hint of gold where the sun is setting. I miss my mentor. He's still alive, but he retired last year and it hit me today that he isn't there and isn't going to be. He was more than my mentor, he was like a grandfather to me. My father wasn't around much and when he was it was usually unpleasant at best, so my grandfather was an important figure in my life. When he died it hit me pretty hard. In my mentor I had found a soul like my grandfather except more demonstrative. Even though he is still around the city and even though there are others I can collaborate with and depend on, in my teaching I am alone.

I almost feel lost, but I know he would say I couldn't let something like that bother me. I needed to focus on what I had to do. He didn't even want me to say goodbye, "I'm not dying, I'm just retiring." Still, there are so few that I respect as much as him and so few I connected with...my orchestra director taught me to love music, he taught me to love teaching and have the courage to be who I am.


ex_rong at 2006-08-11 02:36 (UTC) (Link)
That's why I think teaching is such a satisfying yet difficult job. Teachers try their darn best, but stupid education rules/laws/guidelines/rankings puts unnecessary stress on both educators and students. Teaching, or education, isn't supposed to be like this. I always feel....

And in regards to that mentor figure, I can understand a little. I had a mentor like that too. But soon I grew up, he changed, and now we parted our ways... I think sometimes, we (or everyone) wants someone to guide us instead of just think/decide for ourselves because that is way easier and less stressful. And safer, probably. I don't know.
akiko_kalla at 2006-08-11 02:39 (UTC) (Link)
Well, he made sure I did the thinking, but he was always like a light when I closed my eyes. I dunno...is kind of difficult to explain. By the way, do you get my comments? They don't always show up on your page. :P
ex_rong at 2006-08-11 02:42 (UTC) (Link)
I get them. :P But they are screened, that's why... :P

I get the light thing! But its been so long ever since I had a mentor.. I miss that feeling. Like an elder brother/father, who guides me as I grow up...
akiko_kalla at 2006-08-11 02:45 (UTC) (Link)
I think for me in a lot of ways he was the father figure I had never had...so it feels like I've lost my father.
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