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Fear (August 3, 2004)

Posted on 2005.07.05 at 08:07
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Ok, so it's been a while...but I've had one heck of an emotional roller coaster ride. At any rate, I've been thinking a lot on many things and I've decided that I do not wish to hold on to things that make me unhappy. Why should I be afraid of possible futures? Why should I fear what others may think? Why should I fear what others may do? I cannot change the actions and thoughts of others, so worrying about them does no good. I am in control of my own future and ultimately it is up to me what I do with my life. There will always be obstacles and set backs, but it is up to me if I learn from them or allow them to destroy me. I had this philosophy as a very young child. I was told of a God where rains poured down and destroyed nearly all life. I was told of a firey place where those who have sinned might go. I responded by saying, that is not the God I believe in. Funny, even at the age of four or five I had already decided this. So why should I hold onto fear now? I can't see any reason either.

I have decided it is silly to hold onto anger. It is an emotion and should be healthily expressed and released. If it is held within it starts to hurt and fester until it explodes. Why would anyone want to hold on to that? Does it make you feel more alive? I would much rather feel alive in loving someone than in wanting to hurt them or get back at them. I dislike the inner turmoil it causes and most importantly I do not see any use for anger. It does not fuel anything save more anger and pain.

Pain is yet another thing to let go of. Holding onto it only makes it worse. Releasing it frees your soul of a burden it is never meant to take. Pain can cause resentment and self destruction. Often pain is the result of someone else's anger and often that anger is lashed out in fear of being hurt. Pain will happen...it is part of life these ups and downs. But in order to be truly happy, you must risk being hurt. This is because to be truly happy, you must be your true self...who you really are, not who you think you should be. Be the person you want to be sincerely, not only in an act. The truth is...we have control over whether or not we are victims. We can't control others, but we do control ourselves. We control what we make of the life we are given and we have two choices...to grow from it or to destroy ourselves with it. Why someone would choose destruction is beyond my comprehension. I know there are those who feel they do not deserve to be happy and you are wrong. Everyone deserves to be happy--truly happy. There are also those who do not wish to take responsibility for their own lives and the effects of their thoughts and actions. To those, I say you are a fool. Just because you do not take responsibility does not change the fact that you are still responsible. It only hurts yourself and sets you further back from being happy. If you are responsible, you take control of your own life and do not let fear control who you are. If you are sure in that and content in your life, you will have a great positive affect on the world around you. If not, it is up to those around you how they grow or not grow around you.

I think humanity has a lot of things right on this...but this holding onto fear I don't understand. I'm not saying I've totally mastered this, because I haven't, but I wish I could share with others what I have felt and seen in life. I wish I could share with you how beautiful this world is...how beautiful each soul I meet is. But if you hold onto fear, you will never see it. Humanity can make this world such a wonderful place...or it can destroy it. But it starts with the individuals who live here.

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