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Stumbling Religion (June 13, 2004)

Posted on 2005.07.05 at 08:01
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Well, don't ask what got me thinking about this 'cuz I dunno. Anyway...I started thinking about what I believe in religion-wise. What I believe doesn't really fit into any religion because it's a combination of different ones. The odd thing about all this is that even as a child my beliefs were the same. I was raised catholic and there is a certain lure about that relgion that will probably always be with me. It's not that I don't believe in Jesus or God...I just don't think things like that are as clear cut as people make them. The closest religion to what I believe is Buddhism, but that's more of a philosophy on life than a relgion. I also have some rather strong...pagan I guess, tendencies. What did you expect, I am half Irish and half Native American. However, the Shinto religion in Japan fascinates me as well. I have dreamcatchers and other little trinkets...nothing ever big, but they are there none the less.

The thing is, even as a little kid saying the Hail Mary and Our Father, I still would go outside and talk to the trees and animals. I have always felt at peace with them. It's not like I would hold a conversation, but I would talk to them and feel as if they were listening. Perhaps they couldn't respond the way I could understand, but I always felt better. I believe each living thing has a spirit of its own.

I have also had many experiences where I have sensed evil or a negative energy and if I left I was thankful later and if I didn't I regretted it. This also happens with people. Many times when I meet someone regardless of how they are dressed or present themselves, it's like I feel the energy around me. It's very difficult to explain and that's the best way I can think of. It's like the air around you suddenly becomes uncomfortable or sickening, or the opposite.

My dreams and the amount of death I have seen over the past few years has also brought me to admit something. I believe that spirits communicate with us all the time if we are open to see it. I've had too many dreams come true, too many visits from those dead or about to die to ignore or pass it off as coincidence. All spirits are connected and when one suffers we all do, when one is happy we all are. Some may shine brighter than others, but we are all connected and an important part of each other. At least that is the truth I have found within me.

I would love to go to Japan and study more as I feel asia is the place from which my beliefs are echoes. Perhaps I lived there in a past life. I think it is very likely. I don't really know what I think about God or all of that...I think all religions are just ways to try to explain these experiences that we have and to explain the connectedness of life. I do believe we have spirits and I do believe we are here to learn from our experiences, and I believe that our spirits continue to live on after our body dies. I even believe we have some spirits who are here to help us along the way, but I think that people become so caught up in the little obstacles and petty arguements that they lose track of the things that really matter. I'm not saying you can just quit your job and meditate, but people become so obsessed with their job they don't even notice the wind on their face or the sound of birds chirpping or the running of a fishtank filter unless it's annoying them. They become completely separated from nature and from each other. I can't live like that. I need trees and rain and animals. I need to feel that connection, otherwise I get into a real funk or whatever you want to call it. I dunno...feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think. :)

arigatou gozaimasu!

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