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Posted on 2017.04.23 at 23:50
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One of the hardest things I've had to do in my life is silently mourn the loss of a child I will never have while hiding behind my excitement for all of the recent new mothers around me.

Society allows you to mourn the loss of a child that was born, to an extent the loss of an unborn child, but not the loss of the ability to have a child that was so desperately wanted.

"How can you grieve over something you didn't have?" while at the same time they say, "You don't know love until you are a mother." They say I can't possibly understand the sacrifice...when I would trade everything in my life that I have fought for just to hold my child in my arms or hear a little voice call me "Mom." They tell me I don't know, I can't possibly know, how much a parent loves their child. If that's true, then you can't possibly understand the grief I carry with me every day. Every day, while I listen to you go on about your child; every day while I smile at the pictures you want to show me; every day while you make comments only a parent would understand or how lucky I am to be childfree.

You are so very wrong. I do know the love a parent has for a child...not because of what being a mother has brought me, but because of the void it left inside me when the possibility was taken from me. I don't begrudge you your happiness; I take issue with your lack of compassion and judgement of those whose path diverges from the one your life is on.

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