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Posted on 2015.07.14 at 02:54
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Perhaps it is the upcoming school year, or perhaps it is age, but I feel a stirring inside. Maybe I have finally released something I was holding onto that was weighing me down. It is almost a peaceful calm, like returning home after a trying journey. I'm not quite sure what it means or where it's coming from.

It's like I want to sing all that's inside of me and smile as the notes float away on a gentle breeze; it's like realizing that while the storm rages around you, you are not the storm; and it's like finally reaching a point where you know what truly matters.

Life is so short and we don't know what happens when we die...do we continue to live on in spirit? Is there a place we return to? Does our story just end? And yet people are so focused on petty superficial gossip and objects.

I used to be someone who drank tea, used herbs when I was sick, read constantly, and always felt my spiritual side. In fact, the reputation I had in the dorms was if you were sick come to me to see if I could help. I also remember going out at 2 AM with a friend to play at a playground in the rain, a break from writing my paper on the formation of the solar system.

When I came home, that life was over. Everything fell apart and it was everything I could do to be there for everyone. While I had lived through some traumatic events, the ones facing me were worse still. Add to that nine funerals in one year...I think I slowly shut down who I was. I am the type of person who feels another person's emotions acutely. It's why I dislike large groups, but people don't seem to notice because I don't usually show it on the outside thanks to years of being told I needed a thicker skin.

Maybe I am just now waking from that nightmare. Maybe I'm just now rejecting what isn't really me. I've spoken before about shedding a heavy coat, and feeling reborn as it falls away. This is more like you feel the light shining so brightly inside you want to open your arms and share it with everyone. There's a surety that comes with it, even in the unknown; it's not a returning to who you are, it is realizing who you have always been.

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