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Posted on 2015.04.19 at 23:59
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So it's an odd feeling when those around you are suffering and you feel for them, to the point you cry...and yet it does not touch your own balance. Have I finally learned to maintain balance or is this yet another wall I've built to protect my heart? Or worse, am I becoming numb after all the years of suffering? I don't know...

I do know I have become intolerant of people who value their comfort more than the well being of others, who are selfish, who are greedy, who are disrespectful to any life--including the Earth, who seek to control rather than emancipate, who look down on others rather than empower...

I do not hate these people, but I struggle to be around them and listen to them...it's like their words are poison. I believe we are all capable of great things, but it's our choice how we wield the power we are given. If you abuse it, I just don't have time for you unless you are trying to change. I'm not sure when this mindset started but I know it has definitely started to take hold this year.

Maybe it just comes with age or with the experiences I have had...hopefully it is a good thing. Knowing where my priorities are and what I value however, is something I definitely do not regret defining.

It reminds me of what people say when the refer to "indigo children..." I do try to be gentle at first, but I will burn away any facade and get right to the heart and truth of the matter, even if it's unpleasant. It is the only way we can grow and become who were are truly meant to be and return to who we have always been.

Back to maintaining balance...I don't feel less exactly, it's more I recognize what feelings are my own and what are the feelings of others that I am feeling with them. It's like understanding that difference gives me an emotional distance, and clarity, to view the situation so I can better help the person(s) who are suffering.

I have also realized, I surrounded by suffering...and always have been. But it is my choice to let it drag me down or to remain who I am despite it. I won't say unchanged because that's not always true, but I do feel any change is moving me close to the truth of who I am. Despite what I have suffered and what I have witnessed, there is still joy and a desire to continue you. I have never lost that...like a lotus fights through the darkness and muck only to leave it behind to bloom, it never loses sight of its purpose. May I be so resilient in my life.

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