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All souls pass

Posted on 2005.10.02 at 18:10
Current Music: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Soundtrack
Tags: ,
I'm hoping to finalize on a car tomorrow, this will be a major relief once this is sorted out as the stress level has had me so tired I fall asleep and stay asleep at just about any time of day. I also felt like writing for some reason. Not that I really expect anyone reads this, but this is not a happy chapter. It was inspired by Into the West from the LotR soundtrack. Don't ask me exactly HOW this came about because my subconscious took over and started typing again. I think I shall name my subconscious as much as it seems to do that.

She held the child gently in her arms as she walked. The only sound was the russling of leaves; not even the normal chorus would come out on a day like this. The sky was grey and cold and the air was damp and smelled of the earth. Even the gentle breeze felt bitter against her skin.

After some time she reached her destination. A clearing in the woods by where she had learned so many things. As she knelt to the ground images of her life there flew through her thoughts. She saw trees, a kindly old face, fantastic lights, terrible darkness, and...her brother's smile.

She hadn't realized she was crying, squeezing the tiny bundle to her as her face contorted in the pain of lost innocence. "Aidan..." Holding the infant tighter, she closed her eyes on unshed tears. She couldn't recall how long she stayed like that, only that in those moments it seemed an enternity and yet it was too fast to hold onto.

When she opened her eyes, the sky was becoming darker, just a slightly darker grey than it was before and the clouds above were turning stormy. She looked at the child then, her face filled with regret, pain and resignation. Slowly she settled the child down on the cool damp earth.

"Forgive me." She closed her eyes as tears slipped from her lashes. These were different tears; there was no fire behind these, only a soft gentle rippled in a heart that had already steeled itself against the world.

"You were never meant to be born. I wish there was another way, but..." she opened her eyes slightly, looking to the side, "there isn't. You were born of an unholy union. You cannot be allowed to live. You are too great a threat to the world."

More tears fell now, as she sniffed and looked to the sky, tossing back the hair that had fallen from her braid. "Why does it have to be like this? I hate them, but I do not hate the child. He is my son and you cannot know what he would do. How could you know what he would do?" She looked into the face of the child waiting patiently. Already he was showing signs of his birth.

A sudden sleeping illness had stricken the village she lived in. Nightmares so terrifyingly real it sent grown men screaming from their beds. There had also been mysterious deaths, all of them with faces stricken with fear but not overt signs of what caused their death. The dreams with her brother had stopped completely now. She grabbed the material of her cloak as she pushed her hands into the tops of her thighs and wept, eyes clentched shut and turned away from the child. She knew what she had to do.

She opened her startled eyes, and seeing as if in a dream she saw him. She could still see the world around him, through him. But he was there, in her mind he was clear as if he were right beside her.
"Kiera, let it go. You are not meant to mourn this loss."
"But...he's...my son."
"No, he is the spawn of the fallen ones. He used your body just as they did, he has no connection to you."
She looked down at the baby again, still silent and waiting. He looked innocent, he looked normal.
"Kiera...the sun is setting...I..."
"Aidan?" She placed her hand on the earth as she leaned forward, and realized she was gripping the dagger. She looked down at it, understanding the message. Her brain struggled to understand the moment of clarity that enabled her brother to be heard. Deep inside, she knew what she must do.

Almost as if in a trance, while silent tears slid down her cheeks, she took the dagger and slid her hand down its length. Taking the blood, she drew the pattern on his forhead and chest. Then she drew it on her own as well as her hands. The wind was cold and wet, offering almost a cleansing feeling as it whipped the tears away. They were falling harder now as she steadied the dagger.

Thoughts echoed in her hesitation...my only son...born of my body...barren...no children...terribly scarred. She opened her eyes and her heart and began. Vaguely she wondered if the child knew what was happening, wondered what he was seeing and thinking. But soon the thoughts faded into the task at hand.

"Take this demon into the flames of heaven. Take him and purify his heart and his soul. Cast off the evil within him. Burn him to the core." The tears were drying in the damp breeze as she felt the power flowing through her. The power itself was breathtaking, carrying her above the depression and emptiness she knew would return the moment his heart stopped.

"Let me be your conduit, purify his life. Take him to the hells where he belongs, never to return..." a single tear slid down her cheek. "And forgive me for hoping for his salvation. Let him be free from the sin of his birth and grant him peace in my stead."

Suddenly the world was dark, but the grey skies were no longer stormy. She watched as the blood seeped into the ground. His little chest no longer moving and his eyes closed. "Forgive me, my son."

Even knowing it was against the ritual rules, she laid his body to rest. Kneeling before the grave of soil and leaves, she pressed her hand to the tree and closed her eyes.

"You have taught me many things, and you are very wise. For that I will be eternally greatful. I can never repay that debt to you, nor can I repay what I ask of you now. I buried him. Although I know his body is nothing but evil, he was born of my body, so there must be some good in it. Please, take that good and let it grow, help it to defeat the evil. Please, watch over him. I will not ask your forgiveness for what I have done, but whatever punishment befalls me I will accept."

She leaned forward, her head resting upon the damp bark of the old oak. She could feel its life weakening as the evil seeped into the ground, but before she could hear a reply the oak was asleep for the coming season. Tears slid freely down her face as she leaned into the tree as if it could comfort her. "Is it wrong to see the light even in the darkness?" Her voice was barely a whisper. Then she heard it, the song of a young bird. Blinking her tears away she saw it jump forwards to her. It's song was sad and knowing, but surrounded in hope. She reached out to touch the bird and felt it's cold wet feathers.

The bird was a dull and grey, but the richness of its voice defied its appearance. It nustled her fingers with its cheek and then jumped onto her hand, climbing up her arm until it reached her face. It was small, about the size of a pigeon, but attempted to do the same with her cheek as it had her hand. With a final glance at the oak, she rose. "Thank you." She looked down at the soil fighting back tears. "Be at peace, my son." With that she returned not to the village, but home.


"Kiera! What the hell happened to you!? Are you okay?"
Her only response was to pause briefly and and force a half smile before proceeding to her old room.
"Kiera, wait a minute! You need a doctor, you're covered in blood and dirt and you haven't even said a word since I opened that door. And what's with that bird?"
"Duncan, who is it?"
Her eyes went wide as realization sunk in. It was a female's voice. She and her brother no longer lived with him and she was hardly a child anymore. Her presence would be an intrusion. Angry at the part of her that desparately wanted to fall into his arms sobbing until sleep claimed her, she turned with a blank look at him.
"It's...it's a friend, don't worry. I'll be there in just a moment."
"Well, I can just come out there, I won't be a minute."
The voice sounded warm and caring, soft and gentle, and happy. All the things she wasn't. Unable to prevent her mouth from opening at these thoughts and the look of abandonment from her face, she waited for him to speak.
"No, just wait a moment. Please."
There was a muffled affirmation as she tried to force her mouth to work.
"You need a doctor. Let me take you to the doctor--"
"But Kiera, you can't--"
"NO!" Hating the tears that were threatening to fall, she turned hurrying back through the house despite the bird's protests. "I'm sorry, I should never have come here expecting...I'm sorry. Don't worry I'll be fine."
"Kiera, you--"
"I'll be fine, I can take care of myself! I apologize for the intrusion. I will see you later. After all, I'll be her a few days. Goodnight."

She left him confused and worried, but at the moment she just had to get away so she could think. She needed to think and Gods, she needed to sleep. She dropped into the first inn she found and as she tried to wash away the stain of her sin. The bird watched patiently, as if knowning silence and time was what she needed now. She watched as tears created rippling patterns in the water and truly wept.

© Kalla October 02, 2005

"Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away

Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping"

~Into the West, LotR Soundtrack


ex_rong at 2005-10-03 05:34 (UTC) (Link)
I hope everything will turn out fine for you. :)
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