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Posted on 2011.09.10 at 22:28
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I'm a failure. I've already failed at everything in my personal life. I have no spouse, no children, and likely never will. I barely have enough money to pay my bills and if a major expense arises I won't be able to pay it. None of my friends live close and it's difficult for me to stay in touch sometimes. My brother wants to die and all I can do is watch, unable to go to the place where he is to try to pull him out because I am not strong enough. I failed to protect him. I'm unable to continue my studies or alter my job because of the financial trap I am in.

I'm being evaluated and I feel I've already failed. I realize I've put pressure on myself to do better than I did last year. I'm struggling to meet everyone's expectations. More and more is put on my plate and I'm feeling the lack of resources acutely. More things are asked of us to take time away from teaching my subject and I must find a way to balance it so I don't take steps backwards from last year. Yet more and more of my resources are disappearing...I don't even have the hallway to teach in--with classes walking through mine, with not even enough space for us to stand much less play, without any visuals, with me carrying everything I need from building to building, with lunch being so loud I literally cannot hear the students right next to me... If you put more on me for my evaluation requirements, more things to do to prove my improvement, I don't think I will be successful.

Please, I don't want to fail you. And I don't know how to tell you...

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