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Hermit's Window

Posted on 2011.07.09 at 23:12
Current Music: Sanvean ~Dead Can Dance
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Oh, we are strange creatures when left alone with our thoughts. Right now everything seems a bit surreal to me, but I'm oddly happy and almost excited. It's so weird when your subconscious figures things out and doesn't bother to clue your conscious mind in on it. I spoken a lot about change emotional, mentally, and physically. This is different...

This is something deeper and more spiritual.

In the palm of her hand sits a lotus blossom and from it spills forth light, flowing down to the ground as water falls. The light catches on the gentle breeze, illuminating the currents as it's swept away.

Last night I fought something I hadn't in a long time...fear of death. Is it just the end? What then, is the point of self-consciousness? How did this evolution help us? I tried to stifle the thoughts but I couldn't, and I could feel the tears threatening to fall. I told myself it was useless to think such thoughts, that everyone dies and if it is the end it doesn't matter anyway.

But I slept well. I woke rested and happy rather than unsure. Sometimes I wish my connection to spirit was stronger, but then I think I have subconsciously pushed it away. And I see a different image.

A girl sees the glowing light beside her and turns to face it. The hues of white, blue, and violet reflect in her eyes as she reaches towards it. As she touches it, she brings it closer but does not speak.

I feel my spirit taking another step onto a path I cannot see, and my only thought is to wish I could move more quickly towards the future.

His hand brushes her cheek as he pulls back from the delicate kiss. He smiles through his tears as she opens her eyes. As he is pulled up her heart is overwhelmed with so much love it hurts. It feels like something inside her is breaking, and yet there is so much joy she can't contain it. And so the tears fall freely as she watches, unable, or perhaps unwilling, to stop a small smile.

I should be upset, I should be scared, I should be frustrated, but I'm not. My physical body is protesting, but I keep moving forward as the momentum of my decisions keeps building. The door is closed on the past.

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