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Posted on 2011.07.01 at 05:01
Current Music: A Warm Place ~NIN
It's been years so why are the tears falling now? The year I had nine funerals. The year the world lost a beautiful soul.

His name was George. His family lived next door to my grandparents and we always played together. Our families even went to the lake together. When my grandfather died it hit his family hard as well as mine. They moved and while our families kept in touch on occasion we started to go our separate ways. It continued even though we ended up at the same high school, but we were still friends--just not as close. Then we all went to college.

I remember when I found out what happened. A freak accident, a slip and fall that ended his life. I sat on the floor and cried. The next day I forgot to wear my watch, which for me is the equivalent of putting the milk in the closet. I was dazed. I knew his older and younger brother, but I wasn't as close with them. He was working with difficult youth and was hoping to change lives with his perspective and faith. He was just one of those people whose heart was big enough to love everyone and to help everyone. When I think of a "good" person or the person you "should" be, I think of George.

I remember at his funeral, what I tried to say to his father although I could barely talk. That the lives that George had touched...were already forever changed. That he had left his imprint on my own heart and, like all those he left an imprint on, that impact would be carried over into all of my actions. So George, despite his death, was still changing lives...just perhaps not the way he originally thought. I work with some difficult youth at times, but in every child I see what I think George would see and I work to help them with compassion. George understood that, the importance of compassion and what true compassion and strength is. I can only hope to reach lives as he would have. And I hope my words I spoke to his father that day conveyed what my heart was trying to tell him through my grief.

I don't see death as the end and I don't apologize for someone being released from the confines of their body, which people often don't understand. So why am I sad now? I thought I had mourned and would only feel this way on the occasion something reminded me of him. Today I was just thinking and my thoughts drifted to him and I started to cry. I'm still crying. Why now? There was nothing specific to remind me of him, to make me think of him. Where is this coming from?

I miss him, even though we weren't terribly close at the time of his death, I really miss him.

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