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Make This Go Away

Posted on 2011.06.30 at 03:22
Current Music: Something I can Never Have ~NIN
I really wish my body would cooperate with me. I don't really enjoy feeling like my insides are being pulled into unnatural positions. Going to the doctor on the 7th. Yeah, can't wait to be a lab rat again. I HATE this disease. Isn't it cruel enough to tell me I am likely barren? Do you have to torment me every month--or more--on top of it? Seriously not kewl.

Had two periods in June. JOY! A few months off the medicine and my body can't keep the schedule. The last one was so bad I spent two days laying in bed with a heating pad doubled over in pain. Now with this one tomorrow isn't looking so good. I really don't want to be on hormone therapy (birth control); it makes me gain weight and I'm trying to lose it. But if this period is as bad or worse than the last I don't know that I will care when I go into that office on the 7th.

Not to mention all the lovely digestive issues that come with this. Everything runs right through me, even if I'm hardly eating and in bed all day. And if I stay in certain positions for too long it's like my insides either cramp up or my ovary decides to glue itself to the wall of my pelvis and I have to incrementally pull/stretch it back to normal in order to be able to stand. Not to mention the migraines that jump on the band wagon. In addition to the little chills and crap that normally come with a period. Fuck this disease.

And the idea of a doctor doing my physical makes me want to cry. It hurts so much. Not the PAP, but the actual exam. Everything is so damn sore. The last time my reaction from it made him send me to get an ultrasound to make sure there wasn't a cyst twisting or something. If I knew 100% I couldn't have a child I would donate all of my reproductive system to science. It's bad enough I probably won't even get the chance to try--I can't raise a kid on my own with my salary and that department has been very lacking the past ten years so it's not likely to change. But dammit does it have to hurt so much? Why can't my body just have normal cramps? I can't even take half the medication available...could it at least perform normally?

Two Aleve + Sunset Wheat + Heating Pad = Sleep (I hope)

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