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Posted on 2005.09.18 at 18:24
Current Music: Sacred Terrorist ~GitS: SAC OST 3
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So normally my dreams don't involve things from this world. Last night was different. I had watched an episode of the x-files before going to bed, which I blame this on. It was an episode where the aliens came with their red lights and the whole building shook. It was the episode where there were aliens had made contact with the facility in Puerto Rico, but it had been closed down so Moulder went to investigate and they appeared the same as they had with his sister. For whatever reason, I dreamt of that stupid event including the characters. I think my brain is now broken. I sat down and started writing and this is what came out.

Outside she heard the sounds of screams and gunfire. She stood in the middle of the makeshift room staring inside at absolutely nothing. Her brain felt numb, as if this world wasn't real but a passing dream. Vaguely, something pulled at her memory reminding her this was not the first time she had heard voices filled with fear and pain. Images flashed almost too dull to see of twisted faces and contorted shapes in the night. Still, the numbness remained as her mind focused on the sound of the wind whipping the ten flaps in the night. It was an almost peaceful sound. She smiled at the irony.

She turned to see a soldier lifting one of the flaps to peer in.
"We must hurry, they will be here soon."
She went to a table and looked down at it. There was a simple box with a star-like symbol carved in the top.

"Tell me, when you left to follow me here, did you think you would die?"
"A soldier must be ready for whatever happens, even if it includes death," he frowned.
"Yes, but you are still young, why waste that time by watching the evils of this world?"
"Some things are worth that price."
"Are they?" she struggled for control of her voice.
"There are those I wish to protect, and if that means my suffering, I will gladly bear it."
"But won't they be sad to see you return a different man? Or if you don't return at all? Is their pain worth that price?"

The man was silent for a moment, confused about his leader's thoughts. Pale slender fingers traced the figure carved onto the box. Then she turned to look at the man, faultering to explain his reasons while struggling between the emotions of a soldier and wanting to live. She smiled.

"I guess that means we should leave." Confused but relieved, he nodded and left her with her thoughts once more. Despite the smile, a tear slid down her cheek. Lips parted as if in a plea or prayer, but the silence hung in the room thick as water and she realized she didn't remember why she was crying.


"How long are you going to brood over this?"
She didn't even flinch. It was infuriating.
"Dammit, Kiera! You can't go on like this. You have to move on, it isn't the end of the world."
"It was for some," she muttered softly.
"That is the price of war, you can't carry their deaths on your heart. It isn't your fault."
"I sent them to their death. I knew it." Her eyes were full of tears and her voice a barely contained wail, but her eyes were seething with fire.

He sighed. "Kiera, you cannot bring them back. You made the choice you had to make. If you hadn't sent them into battle, there is no idea what would have happened, many more lives could have been lost."
"Why is my life worth more than theirs? Why is it I was not the one to die? I am a coward!" Anger had burst the dam and tears flowed freely.
"A coward is not dealing the the consequences of your decisions!" He was so frustrated with this, it had been three days. "A coward would have been not making a decision at all and letting those things come upon us without warning. A coward is someone who allows their own suffering to get in the way of what they are here to do, someone who lets it prevent them from trying to make things better!"

She blinked, surprised by the force of his words. He was actually shaking. She closed her mouth unable to respond and looked away. He made an exasperated sound as he turned and left her, but they both knew that the fire had replaced the river of tears and she was now contemplating how to rise from the ashes of her sorrow.


There was mist all around and the forest was dark, but the full moon set the world aglow. It was beautiful and cold. Full of a life that lacked the warmth of the sun, yet was intoxicating and elegant. She had always thought she prefered the moon, but even in this image a small shudder escaped her. She walked through the mist until she came to a simple alter. It reminded her of what they saw at their teacher's home. A circle of stones with ashes in the center. Idily she wondered what had been burned there.

"Moon flowers." Startled, she spun around.
"Ai-Aidan?" He only nodded. "How...why...I..."
"I put them here, hoping you'd come. I thought this place would be safe enough to talk.
She nodded, "there always was a feeling of safety here. How...how are you doing this?"
"You mean the dream? That was easy. They can't control my soul, even if they have my body."
"...I..." she swallowed the lump in her throat, "I'm going to free you. I will find a way, just hang in there. Keep fighting!"
"Kiera, I would rather die than let them gain control of me. But my mind will start to faulter soon. My body is worn and exhausted. That is why I wanted to see you."
"I'll try to show you what I remember seeing, but I'm afraid it's not much. Perhaps you can make more of it though, you've always been better at that than I was." He offered her a weak smile.
"I don't know if I'll see you again, but I wanted to say I love you."

Before she could respond, she felt his arms around her, his embrace as tight and strong as it ever had been--perhaps even stronger. She found herself returning the sentiment just as strongly, almost desparately, "I love you too Aidan."

"NO!" She jolted upright in bed, her arm extended to capture her disappearing brother. She could still feel the warmth of his embrace upon her as she sobbed into the night. The moon gave an odd shade to the room, reminding her of the dream. She squeezed her eyes shut and gasped as she saw a place even after opening them again.

There was a forest and a path off from the main road that was almost overgrown now. It lead to a cave and from there down dark tunnels with shapeless figures. She saw an open corridor that lead into a large room. There was an opening at the top of the room and up through the opening there was a clearing in the forest. There was a stone alter, matching the one below only new and unused. The one below was stained and cracked, but this one was the color of alabaster and seemed as bright as the moon. And then she heard screams.

"Kiera! Kiera! What's wrong, it's a dream! Wake up, wake up!" He held her trying to soothe her, but she shook her head. Her voice felt raw and as the intial image began to fade she realized she had been screaming herself. Warm hands, too large and rough held her cheeks and a forehead was pressed to hers. She had opened her eyes, but was stuck in the dream. Straddling two worlds, two realities. She swallowed, closed her eyes. His hands moved, brushing damp hair away. Finally, she looked up at him, "I...I know where he is Duncan."

© Kalla September 18, 2005


maat_ka_ra at 2005-09-19 04:17 (UTC) (Link)

:;sending you love::

and do you have a brother currently in the military?
akiko_kalla at 2005-09-19 05:19 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. I will read it tomorrow when I get home. No, my brother's not in the military, why? I hope that's a good thing. *nervous laugh*
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