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Posted on 2005.07.09 at 03:30
Current Mood: pensivepensive
Current Music: Beauty is Within Us ~Chris Mosdell/Yoko Kanno
So I got to drawing again...big surprise. They suck but if you want to look here they are. Oh and I wouldn't look at niisan unless you know how the anime ends. It would either confuse you or possibly ruin the ending. Both are kind like me at the moment, angsty. Anyway, here are the links.

Ed and Al thinking of each other

Other than that, I'm worried about my mom and brother. My brother had to borrow money for rent because they messed up his paycheck. Even though I understand, I still worry a bit because that means money is tight for him. Not that it isn't for me either, but I always seem to have enough. My mom felt bad because she had to ask me for it because she didn't have it. So she started crying. I tried to let her know that I did have enough to lend him the money and not to worry, that it was okay. I don't think that usually works though. I tried to turn on the TV to drown it all out and until CSI came on, it was all depressing news. On the last case on CSI it was very sad what happened to the girl so I finally just gave up and went to my computer, put in the Ghost in the Shell CD and started to draw. The above is the result. Not all that great, but at least it got out a bit of emotion. I really wish I could draw better. *sigh* I guess just keep practicing, right? I dunno, makes me afraid to post anything because it's not as good as other stuff and I don't even know how to edit it on the computer. I can't even color it. *blush* You'd think someone who can read html and css would be able to do that, but... Maybe I need to get another game...I haven't played Myst: Ages of Uru yet, perhaps that would be a good distraction. Then again, I should probably save money as I can't really work at the moment.

On another note, I have been thinking about some of my students and how much I will miss them. It's funny, but one in particular who...always made class interesting, I will miss more than most. I remember when he and another student said something unkind--like shut up or something I don't remember now, and he dropped to the group and rolled into a ball and wouldn't move. I had to pick him up and carry him down the steps. And then when he hit another student got in trouble with me, he literally crawled under chairs and climbed the curtains on the stage to get away. Some people probably would have said that he shouldn't be in the orchestra class. I didn't really listen to them and just dealt with him incident by incident, trying to work with his classroom teachers to give him consistent behavioral expectations. His fifth grade year, last year, he had gotten to the point he was said, can I go to the bathroom and calm down, or can I stand by you because I'm getting angry and I don't want to get angry. He had also started coming to me when he saw me in the hallway and was upset. I would be teaching my fourth graders and he would come and ask if he could sit and wait to talk to me until I was finished. I don't know how many times I was five minutes late to my next class listening to him, but I usually told him the same thing. That he was very smart and talented, but he needed to not let others have control over him so that he acted differently.

I remember one day he talked to me his whole lunch because he was angry at his classroom teacher. I finally just asked him, "is there someone you want to be proud of you? Whether they are here with you are not, is there someone who you would want to make happy?" He said yes. So I asked, "do you think what you're doing now would make that person happy?" "No." "So fix it." He then tried to go back to complaining, but I sent him to lunch, saying he only had five minutes and he needed to eat. After that is when he started coming to me to talk. Combined effort on all the teachers parts helped him and as he goes to middle school, all our hopes and prayers for him go with him. I just pray we were able to rebuild enough of the foundation that crumbled the day he saw his dad die to help him through the next years. If someone were to ask me why I teach...it isn't because of the music, it isn't because of the *cough* money, not the vaction, but because I can touch a life that directly. Because I can be there for a child that feels they have no one--and sometimes they really don't. There are so many stories...perhaps I will post more later, not just so I won't forget, but so I can share their stories with others.

One thing my kids have taught me...deep inside we are all just the same; people trying to do the best we can with what we got and find some small bit of happiness to hold onto despite the darkness around us.


ex_rong at 2005-07-15 13:28 (UTC) (Link)
Decided to pop into yr LJ.. hope you don't mind.

And your last sentence made me felt so... smiley, hopeful I think. Yes you are so right. That small bit of happiness that we can cling on to. Is so very impt.

akiko_kalla at 2005-07-16 04:51 (UTC) (Link)

Thank you. ^_^

I don't mind at all. Thank you! I've learned a lot from my little tyrants. About the time I start to really miss them for the summer, I go back and remember why I couldn't wait for summer to start. hehe. But I think that's normal. ^_~ A lot of times I think kids are much closer to the truth than adults will ever be.
ex_rong at 2005-07-16 13:45 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you. ^_^

Yes I agree!!!! I once taught tuition to a bunch of poor kids (its free for them) for a year and I must say that they have a better grasp than we adults (if what I think is really the Truth of the world). Somehow their simpler minds can see things in a purer? and less selfish point of view. Rich kids on the whole are generally... less mature and sensible than the poorer ones me think. ;p
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