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wish-TB

Spiralling

Posted on 2006.12.10 at 02:13
Current Music: End of Ages ~Myst 5 Soundtrack
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I had four concerts last week. One more, the middle school one, this week. I also got about 20 hours of sleep all week. My ESL lessons were behind by over a week, but now they are finally all finished. Not difficult, just time consuming. I just feel tense constantly, and frayed.

The Japanese family I tutor is going back to Japan next month. :( I will miss those girls. However, the father said he wanted me to go back with them and stay with them. He said he would help me get a job teaching English at the Cram school there and that many people would pay for me to tutor their children. I really would like to just up and leave at this point, but given my health and finances I don't think that's the best solution. Perhaps after this school year though. I will be keeping in contact with his daughter and he said when I do come to just let him know so he could make arrangements. I kind of feel I need to be a little more proficient in Japanese first, but another teacher is telling me I should just go. (Which is kind of ironic since she won't quit and she wants to.)

I have also decided to buy a cute little boy yorkie. He walks like a cat, so I figured he'd go well with a cat that acts like a dog. There was another one that was very much like our yorkie, but he was very persistant and stubborn in wanting to get out of the circle regardless of how many times he was told no or turned around. I thought if he was that persistant now, he could easily be as stubborn when potty trainning. The one I decided to get is the one who played for a while and then went to the puppy bed to lay down. The breeder even remarked how cute it was and that he must have gotten it from seeing momma and sister do that since they don't have beds like that to lay in yet. (They are about the size of a coffee cup.) Anyway, I got him a bed and all and what does my cat do? He lays in it. So I guess I get to go buy the cat one now. *sigh* I hoep they get along okay. Yorkies do well with other pets, but I don't know how Kairo is going to react to a puppy. I'm making a point to play with him and will continue to do so as trainning a puppy will take time.

On Monday I saw the neurologist. I now have two MRI's with contrast scheduled, they took four vials of blood, am enrolled in physical therapy on my neck, and now have a sleep study scheduled. He basically said it is stress. Lovely. I had a nervous breakdown, or close to it, in my principal's office the other day. I asked her how do you not burn out. I feel I have nothing and that there isn't a lot left I care about. My life doesn't really matter. So I'm getting a puppy because no matter how shitty my day was, he'll be happy to see me. My cat is too, but he wants food and me to rub his belly for a few minutes and then he's fine. Plus, a puppy will require me to be away from my computer more so I am interacting with something other than a keyboard. I could be making a stupid, and costly, mistake. We'll see; right now I'm too tired to care.

Comments:


The XXII Cottage
vanillacottage at 2006-12-10 13:59 (UTC) (Link)
OMG, yr tuition kids' father is sooooo nice! I wish Im in yr shoes. :P

I think you shd just go... we'll never be proficient in japanese until we speak it everday. Trust me. No amt of learning on foreign shores can sharpen yr senses. I learnt much more during my holidays in Japan than in Singapore, honest. :P

I encourage u to go; yr stress is wracking up yr body and just leaving to Japan will make it all better. I know it sounds a little like bullsh*t, but that's how I see it. Still... its yr choice. :)

Let me know!
akiko_kalla
akiko_kalla at 2006-12-10 19:33 (UTC) (Link)
The thing is it will cost thousands upon thousands of dollars for me to break contracts here. (teaching, rent, cell phone, etc.) And then what happens when I have migraines over there? I will need a doctor but I'd have to start all over with no health insurance. And I'd be unable to communicate what was wrong. I just don't know.
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