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Resigned-kuroshitsuji

Real Pain

Posted on 2016.06.10 at 19:56
Tags: , , , ,
A student posted a clip of what is going on in Syria.  It was not especially graphic, but in it two brothers rushed their  younger sibling to the makeshift hospital.  A girl watched as she was treated in the hallway, without any pain medicine.  The video ended watching the boys saying goodbye to the lifeless brother and the mother arriving to take her son to be buried...unwilling to let anyone help her carry his body.  During this, the only tears are from the older boys, the eldest probably no more than 13 at most.  I on the other hand, was inconsolable. I am still fighting grief and tears now.

I originally posted on facebook, but took it down.  We have become a world more concerned with our own bickering than with the the world we are creating around us.  I have seen so many causes posted on social media the past few weeks, and while I am not saying don't speak up, I AM saying make sure the cause is worth the argument.  We must stop the small things so they do not progress to something larger, but when the bickering only leads to animosity we are no longer fighting for a cause; we are just fighting.

I am enraged by those that use their beliefs as justification to take and destroy.  And equally enraged by those that use them to cling to their own comfort.  This includes myself...how arrogant of me to preach such things when I myself could do more.  How often do I get caught up in the immediate world around me rather than the things that really matter?  How often do I get stressed or frustrated over what truly is unimportant?  And while I understand part of my ignorance is because I know seeing the reality outside my small box would break me, it is still arrogant to assume others are not doing the exact same.

None-the-less, something must change.  All life is precious. Human life is precious. When we let our arguments become more important, this is the result...and it must stop. This must end, because it is killing us...and it will destroy us.  We are watering seeds of anger and hatred in each other, using only the beliefs convenient for our "cause" while ignoring the rest we pretend to value. Have we truly forgotten so much of our own history to allow this to continue? How long before we have no one left to save? Are we really so selfish we would sacrifice the happiness and peace of future generations for our won present comfort?

We are such ugly creatures and yet we hold the capacity for such beautiful greatness. Perhaps that is what makes us human? Perhaps it is not the opportunity, but the choice? Even in the darkest of times I can still see the stars and yet my tears still fall uncontrollably with pain for suffering halfway across the world. For me, if one suffers we all suffer. I take in the pain of others as my own so acutely it is crippling at times. There has to be more to life than this... I have recently thought a lot about adoption...if I choose to do so, I think I would like to adopt a child from a place like Syria. It would only be one child, and I am not so arrogant enough to believe I could heal those wounds, but perhaps I could give hope.

It hurts, it wounds me so deeply I cannot stand it. And as I break down I further water seeds of sorrow in myself realizing my own part in this. Knowing I took the post down as much for my own vulnerability as arrogance...that I am truly this fragile underneath the facade. But I also cannot remain silent. Often it becomes my fuel to change my life and as many others as I can, to gain a different perspective on life. I bury the pain inside me and vent frustrations at things that I don't consider as important, not because I no longer feel that pain but because I can't keep it bottled inside any longer and I cannot allow it to consume me.

As small a difference as I feel I make, and as much as I struggle with my own arrogance and hypocrisy, it matters to any life I manage to help bring a smile to...and that is far more important than my own pain.

Likewise, I value my life enough not to throw it away no matter how much pain. We are as capable of light as we are of dark, perhaps more so. So I choose to try to improve the lives of the future around me, but I still wish to end this pain. While one person may be a catalyst, I feel it is only together that we can change the course we are on. I know there are others in this world terribly upset by events like this...perhaps you will have better words than I to inspire change. I do not understand how people can be so consumed with their own pride and hatred to accept this reality. We are capable of so much love and joy...our children deserve so much better than this. I don't have answers, but I firmly believe they exist...and that we WILL find them, together.

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