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wish-TB

Just say no to romanji and poor grammar

Posted on 2005.12.20 at 23:49
Tags: , , , ,
romanjiがきらいです! じゃあ、東京バベロンとるろうに剣心の本を買いましたから、とてもうれしいです。  そうして、子猫買いました。 Red Tabbyです。 木曜日子猫と帰ります。 

On a different note, it never ceases to amaze me how incredibly ungrateful some people are... I have this student who is already on an IEP for behavior, and all the teachers are bending over backwards to accomodate the "system" in place to help him and all of our students are having to do the same, and all he does is continue to try to manipulate the system to get what he wants, defies authority and puts down other students and in some cases tries to put down the teacher. When he apologizes I flat out say, no, you're rude or I don't believe you because if you were sorry you would stop. Anyway, we're reviewing that after break--can't wait. The social worker convinced a family to adopt this child's family because dad has been out of work for two months, etc. She was speaking with the mother to try to arrange to bring the gifts over and the mother was saying how it was inconvient times for all the times this family could bring the gifts over. Maybe I'm just heartless, but to me if someone is doing something for you out of the kindness of their heart, you don't start complaining about it. Then that student was saying how he better get some really nice gifts this year...wtf?? Good thing you aren't my kid or you'd get a swift smack on your butt before you went to your room for the next two weeks.

We were playing a game today and he got the answer correct and told the other student he failed. I flat out told him if he said something like that again, he was out of my class. I could go on, but I better stop so I can sleep. Now yesterday, I was bagging groceries for one of my schools to earn money for them and there was a grandma and her granddaughter trying to buy food and they were having to take things back out of the cart so she could pay for it. A couple came up behind them and the man paid for the difference. No hesitation, no questions, just said here I'll get it. As they were walking away the little girl asked why they didn't get the ice cream (it had been taken out before the man and his wife came up) and she told her because they couldn't afford it. I started to cry. I know what it's like to be in that situation, and the wife came over and saw me and started talking to me and said so did they. I grew up in that type of a situation although I don't think it was that bad. So I know there is good out there in the world, and I even think there is more good than not, but damn does it piss me off to see parents teaching their kids it's okay to be rude and ungrateful and disrespectful.

Hmm...I should probably go to sleep now. Stress. I swear, a miracle better happen to help me financially or I don't know what I'm going to do from here on out. However, I think tomorrow I can see what grade I earned in Japanese...which should tell me how I did on the final. Over break when I'm not editing, redoing webstuff or playing with my new kitten, I'll be reading manga or the book my teacher gave me to try to keep using what I've learned. It'll be difficult looking up all the kanji and some new words, but I think it will be worth it.

Comments:


anthonyjaycee
anthonyjaycee at 2005-12-21 06:45 (UTC) (Link)
Speaking of financial miracles... I'm not exactly sure how I've both (a) continued to eat and (b) not lost my condo, over the past six months since I lost my job. But I haven't missed any condo payments yet, and I haven't borrowed any money from my parents yet either. "Broke" is an incredibly subjective term, as it works out. :)

I guess I could explain it tangibly (i.e., cashed in an IRA, started using a credit card again and took a loan off of it, etc.), but I think the real explanation is just that I have faith. Somehow, the money is always there... just have to be stubborn enough with reality until it shows it to you.

I was at Best Buy this afternoon, looking through the Game Boy Advance section for this Zelda Minish Cap game for one of my brothers. I started looking through the games and didn't see it. An older lady asked me for help finding this FIFA 2006 game for Gamecube. I helped her look-- the Gamecube games were actually right there, in the section just to the right of the GBA games section. I started looking through the Gamecube section and couldn't find it, and then the lady spotted it, so she thanked me. Interesting how it wasn't about me actually spotting the game... just leading the way. The older man she was with thanked me as well. So, I started looking for the GBA game again. I couldn't seem to find it, but my angel said it was definitely there. I decided that, rather than trying and trying, maybe I just needed some help from another person myself. A lady working at the story came by within a couple minutes or so, and I asked her about it. She started looking through the games there a little, then I spotted what I recognized as the side of the game's box, behind another game's box and grabbed it.

I thanked her for the help. But I didn't help you, she said. Yeah you did... yeah, you did. :)


Faith. And maybe a little indirect help, to nudge things along a bit. Just how these things work...
akiko_kalla
akiko_kalla at 2005-12-22 03:57 (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but I'm glad so far you have gotten by--hopefully things will start to look up for you. ^_^ My situation is rather bleak, but I don't give up. I spoke with the credit card companies today as the credit union denied me a loan because I have so much debt--well DUH! I got the credit card companies to lower the monthly payments by suspending the accounts. I haven't used the cards in like five years so that's not a problem, but at least I can sleep tonight knowing I can pay the minimum payments. Not much more, but it prevents me from falling behind. I'm going to talk to my bank tomorrow to see if they will help me at all. At least I know I can pay these bills and still have money to feed my kitty and myself.

It's been a long time since I've been so upset and cried so much. I just don't even have someone to talk to about it because of *insert long history of my mother being more like the child and me more like the adult and my father not caring here* I fight all the time for my students and for what I believe is right and then I'm met with something like this every time I turn around. There's so much anger and pain and fear in this world and the days I feel it all reflecting back at me, I start to crack. I may not be made of glass, but I'm not a diamond either. I actually was crying all through my first class and my students were trying to help in their own way. I tried not to, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I just need to get my kitty tomorrow and sleep with him on the sofa watching Lord of the Rings or something. Maybe Christmas Vacation.

I will start looking through what you sent me tomorrow or Friday. I'm sorry it's taken me so long--this week has just been hell. I don't know that I believe in faith, but I believe there is still good in humanity somewhere and honestly I'd rather it go to my brother and mother before myself, but there are times when I long to return home and leave the confines of this world. (Not in a suicidal way, I just mean I know that these things do not matter once you die.) I just want to sleep and rest. I'd like for just a day to have someone tell me it is going to be okay and convince me of it. Just once, have someone convince me they will take care of me for the day. So I buy a cat?? HAHA! And yet, the cat will probably be more convincing than any man that's ever been in my life. And that will be the moment I turn away from sailing into the west. Or when I hear a student say "Say you can and you will" or "I CAN do it!" or comes to me for help or returns to tell me how well they're doing now or figures something out without my help or countless others; those are moments worth the price of tears.
anthonyjaycee
anthonyjaycee at 2005-12-22 06:18 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. Things are looking encouraging for me at this point, in getting another job in January. It's feast or famine for me, basically... I've alternated between making a lot of money, and making no money. In some ways, it's the best of both worlds, since it helps me empathize with other people's financial struggles more than I'd be able to if I "always had a job," and helps me appreciate employment more. Plus, I'm sure my family would help me out somehow if I _really_ needed it... they're great. :)

I think part of the benefit of faith is just being stubborn in the face of apparent failure. There's a part relatively early in the book Angels and Demons where a couple of the main characters are imprisoned in a room, and the clock is ticking on a bomb exploding... so, they have to get out, and there appears to be no escape. One of them (the female, actually) takes a deep breath, and meditates a little, with the belief that the solution always exists, and that we always know the solution deep down-- we just have to remember it. And, of course, she thinks of something, and they manage to get out of the room.

One interesting thing about financial worries... we need the money when we need the money. We don't necessarily need to know where the money we'll need a month from now will come from. When a month from now becomes "now," then we need it. But hey, lots of things can happen over a month. We have lots of experiences... we keep learning, and we keep growing. New ideas come up, and possible new approaches come up. It's amazing how what seems pretty much impossible at one point in time becomes quite "obvious" later on.

We don't experience all these terrible situations for no reason... we experience them because having the experiences helps us. I'm so much better a person now than I would have been if I hadn't gone through all the things I've gone through... if I hadn't gotten hit hard in various ways, at various times. Heck, even something as innocuous as my best friend going on and on about all sorts of things related to his suffering in the aftermath of a bad breakup-- part of it right when I was trying to get my novel done by the end of the month-- ended up being amazingly helpful not just for further spiritual development on my part, but in fact it also helped me make the ending part of my novel more emotionally powerful. I guess I could say that God sent me that part of the novel's story through him... his ex definitely helped me understand Pride better, I can at least say that much. :)


I think that your credit card company woes will actually make a part of the novel towards the end of what I've sent you so far funnier, and maybe kind of more real, than it would have been if you hadn't just gone through that. But I won't spoil it... you'll see. ;)

I think, as long as you believe in _something_, that's the important thing. (That theme came up in the movie Serenity.) And I think we're all here because we can do something to help, whether we realize how valuable we each really are to those around us, or not.

Looks like I'm standing in contrast to all the men who have been in your life in person. Well, at least there are good people online, who have encouraging comments and (hopefully) really funny novels to share with you, eh? :)

Have you read any of Neale Donald Walsch's books? He wrote the Conversations With God series (which I'm reading currently), among other books (a few of which I've read before). I've found them to be really encouraging myself. You're not an out-and-out cynic, from what I can tell... I think you're just looking for more sources of encouragement. Just a thought, in case that helps.
akiko_kalla
akiko_kalla at 2005-12-22 08:17 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you for your encouragement, it's nice to have a few people saying something other than what they can't do. I've also heard about that book, but usually matters with god or religion I don't like reading about as I'm not Christian but I have had it thrown in my face various times. It's not that I'm against reading it, it's just if I have the choice between a book about god and a book from the Wheel of Time series I'd probably pick the Wheel of Time. My spiritual path leads me more towards meditation than a church. Although I do consider prayer a form of meditation, so...but hopefully that makes sense. My spiritual beliefs really do not fit in any system and in the past when I have tried to read or people have prayed or talked about belief in god, it doesn't sit well with me as they interpret my actions of holding to my beliefs as discrediting theirs. Or something. My mom worries about my brother and my's souls. I appreciate her concern, but it is unnecessary and it only frustrates me to have to justify myself. Anymore when I read something in regards to religion, I'm picking apart all the inconsistancies or sometimes similarities to other religions, and it turns out to be a rather unpleasant experience. Even if I agree with the point, I often disagree with the method.

I agree, we are here to learn and grow, but frankly most of the things that have happened in the past four years have only taught me that bad things happen to good people. And if I were to take these lessons to heart, I would believe that trying to do the right thing only puts you behind the ones who are cheating the system. I do have a very spritual side however, so I know better. However, it doesn't help this moment. I have to prepare for the future because if I don't I will continually be in this situation until I am forced onto the streets. My mom and brother would do anything for me, but they don't have the means--I'm helping them despite my state. My father refuses to help neither my brother nor myself. So there really aren't that many places I can turn and I have very few options left. What I really need is a solution as that is the only way I will finally rest. That's the problem with life; there is no single solution, no right answer. It just is.

Sorry, I've just had a REALLY bad day and I probably shouldn't respond, but if I don't post it I'll go to bed thinking about this too whereas if I type it out it's out and done with. I hope nothing I have said sounds offensive as it is not meant to. Especially in regards to religion...I'm very spiritual very unreligious. You seem to be pretty open minded, so hopefully what I said will make sense. If not, I apologize. My brain is finally starting to shut down from exhaustion, so I think it's time for sleep. Hopefully the next sound I hear will be my phone ringing to tell me my kitty is ready to be picked up. What I need most, aside from a solution, is to be loved, appreciated, cherished, respected, needed, wanted, and to be special to someone. (odd how my computer speakers freaked out after I typed that...maybe it's my grandfather) Meh, life is what you make of it. Just like happiness. Anyway, my brain is shutting off, so I'm going to follow it before I fall asleep typing this response. Thank you again for the encouragement.
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