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Allen-D. Gray-Man

Pondering

Posted on 2011.06.14 at 23:29
Current Music: Sound of Invisible Waters ~Deuter
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Sometimes you don't realize what you have until it's gone...other times you are lucky enough to find it again. Sometimes you are lucky enough to have people leave precious footprints on your soul...other times you are lucky enough to stay by their side. I feel very lucky today on several levels.

It's been a really good thing for me to work with this group, and for that I am grateful. For the first time in several years I feel I am actively participating rather than being shunned, ignored, and dismissed. It's not about recognition because there isn't really recognition in what we are doing, just working together. In order to survive I took the advice to close my door and teach. And my students benefited and my isolation allowed me to both escape the negativity and create a new home at my middle school. It also allowed for things to settle down enough for another person and myself to repair our relationship, and I feel it is much stronger now because of that.

Then, going out and just having fun with a coworker...I didn't realize how long it had been since I did something like that. I go out occasionally yes, but that's usually to talk and catch up when a friend is in town. This was just fun. In many ways I am not the same person I was a few years ago, in other ways I'm exactly the same. I think it is time to partially end the self-imposed isolation; I'm missing things like that by staying isolated. I need to find the balance between escaping the negativity and being semi-social I think.

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