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Kanda-pensive

At Peace

Posted on 2011.06.03 at 00:01
Tags: ,
What a busy year! There were a lot of bumps and pitfalls in this road, but ultimately I feel this is the right path. At least for now. I am so fortunate that, while I have places of acute negativity, I have places of positive support and inspiration. First I will rest, then I will put my energy into making positive changes, and further gaining inspiration. Then it will be time to return.

I realized today just how insidious negativity can be. I also realized that, while my position creates more frustration others don't really get, it has also balanced me enough to remain mostly unaffected by this negativity in the end. In fact it is what helped pull me out of it. I don't think I will ever understand the dynamics around that negativity, and that's fine. I did realize that while it sometimes catches me off guard and I react differently than I normally would, others probably do too.

It is a poison there that is spreading deeper and deeper. I was getting sucked into it like the rest, but I was also extremely upset because I hate seeing others suffer. It took physically separating myself to see that...I needed that distance so I could be of any help to anyone because before I couldn't even help myself. It was a balancing act and I was very unbalanced. I'm not completely immune, but the overall balance has been restored. I just have to be mindful to keep it that way.

But for now, a break and time to focus and plan. For now I am happy and at peace.

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