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wish-TB

I just want to sleep

Posted on 2011.05.19 at 00:27
Current Music: Low Frequency Radio Static
Tags: ,
So I'm extremely stressed out about the missing instruments as I have no idea where they are. Stress is keeping me awake. And ringing in my ears...which is probably more the stress from worrying about it than the actual sound. So I'm listening to a tinnitus masking track to try to relax.

I've almost been in tears several times because of this; I don't know what to do. Is the tinnitus interfering with what I hear to the point I can't understand people without the visual of reading their lips? I guess that would make sense. I know during the hearing test it was EXTREMELY distracting. Like I wouldn't know if it was me or the machine ringing. I could hear it constantly and I still can. And my ears hurt. When the static started during the test I instantly relaxed. It was like I could hear and was calmer...and I hate static. Right now I would take it over not sleeping. It was like the only thing that made my ears not hurt, which makes no sense whatsoever.

I didn't think the ringing was that bad...I knew it was worse, but I didn't realize when other background noises were removed that I would be so distracted by it. The static was low pitched and the effect on me was instant. Especially when it was static in my right ear and hearing with my left.

The other problem is the sensitivity to sounds, like my violin. Playing the violin was difficult. It almost hurt to play it in the upper register, it was extremely distracting to try and teach over that feeling, and my ears were ringing afterwards. I could hear the pitch for several hours. It makes me want to cry but I'm so tired I don't think I have the energy for it. Right now I should be in bed sleeping, but I can't sleep. I lie awake with worry over everything to do and listen to the constant ringing that won't leave me alone. If I wasn't so stressed I think I would have a better handle on the tinnitus, but right now I'm stuck with both.

I really don't deal well with things that are out of my control. Most of this year I dealt with stress well, but this month I'm just falling apart. I just need to sleep. I need to rest. And the ringing needs to stop.

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