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Posted on 2011.04.04 at 20:24
First off, only I would get sick with something that makes you feel WORSE to lie down and try to sleep. Very annoying. Not to mention I ended up trying to figure out a school issue all morning instead of sleeping. So I have this wonderful virus making me feel horrible. On top of that I have water on my ears. They irrigated them but there is still water inside and the eardrums are swollen. Thus they hurt. Considerably.

I'm already worried about my hearing because I've been losing it. There are certain people that even if they are sitting across from me at a meeting I cannot understand them unless I see their lips. Which means I'm reading their lips, not hearing what they are saying. I have a constant ringing as well as the occasional ringing that blocks out every sound in that particular ear for several seconds. It's becoming more frequent. I am also having to ask people more and more what is said at meetings.

Normally I would see this as typical aging, however the majority of the staff is older than I am and can hear the discussion fine. Compound this to the fact my mother has had hearing problems most her life but never been to a doctor for it. My only hope for the situation is that I am able to piece together parts I do hear better than many of the other people I'm around. So while they may hear better I can still understand, but this is becoming more and more difficult. It has gotten considerably worse this year which is really bothering me. So what do I do? Procrastinate going to the audiologist.

Thankfully the constant ringing is usually quiet enough I don't pay attention to it unless it's really quiet. It's usually the same pitch although occasionally it's a different octave. I am also sensitive to sound on top of it. Which makes no sense to me how I can not understand what someone is saying but if someone laughs loudly it hurts. Certain pitches I simply cannot tolerate. I have literally thrown a headset across the room because the pitch actually angered me. I don't understand what is happening to me, and what's more neither do the doctors. Tinnitis is not something they understand, can predict, or can cure. Any hearing loss from this year may be where it stops for the rest of my life, then again it could get worse. Being as I'm a musician and a music teacher I kind of need to know.

I've already asked one person I trust at my job to tell me if the time comes when my hearing is a detriment to my orchestra. It's just a very depressing situation and not feeling well isn't helping. And the continued issue at school. And the situation with my brother. And my students. And everything else...is it any wonder I can't sleep at night?


(Anonymous) at 2011-04-05 01:57 (UTC) (Link)
There are hearing aids and things you can do to help out with the tinnitus (decrease salt and caffeine intake for one.)I wouldn't give up something you love because of a hearing loss!
akiko_kalla at 2011-04-05 03:12 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. *hugs* Right now it's a matter of not being in pain from the swelling. I'm scared that there is something more behind it, like otosclerosis, but it's too early to warrant tests at this moment. Not that I can afford them anyway.

I wouldn't give up music, but I might have to give up teaching music. I'm not sure I would be able to hear all the subtleties even with a hearing aid. I just don't know and it really bothers me. I know I should think positive, but it has gotten a lot worse in just a year.
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